In this section I've included many of the best sex quotations I've collected over the years. Enjoy em...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds -- Joan Rivers

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? -- Bette Midler

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. -- Lewis Grizzard

Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. -- George Mikes

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. -- Rita Rudner

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me. -- Tallulah Bankhead

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. -- Garry Shandling

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio. -- Scott Roeben

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. -- Scott Roeben

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax. -- Scott Roeben

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. -- Sophia Loren

Sex is God's joke on human beings. -- Bette Davis

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. -- Leslie Nielsen

Life - a sexually transmitted terminal condition. -- Walter Prager

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw. -- Tallulah Bankhead

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. -- Woody Allen

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. -- Steve Martin

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. -- John Barrymore

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy. -- Steve Martin

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? -- Phyllis Diller

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -- Billy Crystal

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. -- Rodney Dangerfield

My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading. -- Steve Jobs

Personally I know nothing about sex because I've always been married. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion. -- G. K. Chesterton

Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. -- Charles Pierce

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. -- George Burns

 

These Sex Quotes were compiled by Rob Paul.

Back to the Quotes index, or read some of the dating services reviews.